meyechael:

A gay male coworker said today:

“There’s no such thing as a bisexual male. If a guy has sex with a guy once he’s gay.

Do you agree?

I disagree

I think that sexual orientation is much, MUCH more than just the sum of experiences and adventures that a person may have had in their life .. .. .. and I definitely do not believe that it hinges on one single, solitary, possibly isolated incident

Rather, I think that sexual orientation is what and who you are attracted to, what gets you sexually aroused and/or excited, who and what you lust after, and most of all, who and what you fall in love with

And I think it’s a continuum

Completely straight on one end of the spectrum, completely gay on the other, and every level of attraction to both genders in between

meyechael:

A friend of mine is having trouble letting go with her boyfriend. Things used to be great between them, but then they started having problems that have lasted a long time.  Now she’s struggling with what direction to take with him and she’s having a hard time grasping that things are different and not as good as they once were.

I asked her a question:

“If you met him today, without consideration for the past, would you want to build a relationship based solely on how you connect in the present and the direction you can see the future going?”

She assertively said: “Definitely not.  I wouldn’t give it a second thought”  

Maybe that gave her a little clarity.

This has been bouncing around in my brain for several days

I’ve been thinking how much it has helped me realize that I do love Jack and I want to be with him, even though things are really difficult

Which is actually really helpful, because I am no longer questioning whether I am doing the right thing by staying

I simply know that this is exactly who I want to spend the rest of my life with, warts and all (mine and his)

But even more, I’ve been thinking how relevant this is not just to significant other relationships, but also to platonic friendships

I’ve been substituting ‘him’ for my best friend and realizing something that I think I had already been feeling but desperately trying to ignore

I would very definitely NOT be friends with her if I met her today

What the hell am I supposed to do with that?  How does one ‘break up’ with a friend?  

Now see, I hadn’t thought of it that way

I have been thinking that from here on it would be smart be aware of the moon cycles ahead of time so that I am more prepared for the possible fluctuation in my mood

If I am prepared for the crazy, I can handle it better

I can not wonder what the hell is wrong with me, why am I such a basket case for no apparent reason which simply serves to amplify my feelings of craziness

And, if I take your advice, maybe I can even use it to my advantage

You are brilliant, sir

Thank you : )

meyechael:

I think I’m the embarrassment of Tumblr.

I’m the one some of you people like to talk to, just not publicly.

95% of the ask box messages I send get answered privately.

Someone may post 500 birthday messages but mine are always thanked off the dash.

I know the deal. You sexy hot young people don’t want to be seen with the graying bi-polar bear.

Who’s your Polar Daddy?

Huh. Weird.

Well, you don’t embarrass me

Not one little bit

Although on further thought .. .. .. I guess I did answer your ask box message privately, didn’t I?  My bad.

I don’t get very many messages and I have probably answered all of them privately   completely oblivious to how that might seem to the inquirer

I need Tumblr for Dummies

PS - You’re the ONLY Polar Daddy in my world

meyechael:

Some people can initiate anything:

A conversation, sex, a kik chat, an introduction, asking someone for a date..

Other people don’t.

Why is that ?

Is it shyness; fear of rejection; embarrassment; low self esteem; just an unwillingness to put yourself out there because of being spurned too many times in the past?

Is it possible to become that person that is oblivious to all those feelings?

How do you put yourself out there, without caring what happens?

Do you simply stop thinking?

I am terrible at initiating things

Fear of rejection and fear of looking stupid would probably be at the top of the list of the reasons why

I would have called it shyness in years past, but now I think it’s more related to anxiety

Those two fears listed above seem to be the most frequent manifestations of my anxiety

If someone knows the answer to how to put yourself our there without caring what happens, I would love for you to enlighten me

I miss out on a lot and would relish the opportunity to change that

meyechael:

Life would be easier if I could speak the way I text.

I’d be able to edit all my words and thoughts and make sure I’d say what I wanted to say before hitting “Send”.

I would be clearer and more self assured.

Perhaps I should walk around with a keypad typing my thoughts and a bluetooth text display screen on my forehead for those I’m talking to.

That would be sexy.

The default screen saver would say “fuck me”

I feel the same way about email vs. phone calls, especially at work

I feel so much more capable when I am able to carefully compose my message rather than have my mind go blank, stutter through the conversation, and later think of all the awesome things I should have said

So yeah, Yay for email

Well, these days I only have one ex left 

I imagine he would be elated to be given the opportunity to explain in detail what a bitchy, prissy, square ogre I am 

This, of course, would be based on 17 year old information as we have not spoken once since 1995

Very useful and accurate information that would be

iamtheeness:

meyechael:

Instructions.  Reblog with the first word that comes into your head after looking at the most recent word posted.

Starting Word:  Umbrella

pinch.

St. Patrick’s Day 

meyechael:

Instructions.  Reblog with the first word that comes into your head after looking at the most recent word posted.

Starting Word:  Umbrella

Rainy

meyechael:

In the mid 90’s digital photography wasn’t available.  

People I knew, who were chatting and connecting online, were falling in love with people they never met and never saw pictures of.  People described their features to each other.  Primitive, I know.

I chatted with many people in those days who fell in love online, then, when they met their significant other in person months later, it was a huge letdown.

The debate was ongoing.  Some people said “They could NEVER fall for someone they couldn’t see”  They needed a physical connection first.

Other people used the argument that blind people fell in love.  If you love the person’s thoughts, ideas, beliefs, voice (on the phone) and what they communicated, you could fall in love with a person without seeing them.

I fell in love with Kat before I ever saw her picture.  It took 5 months before she mailed me some. (She wanted to lose 10# first).  I teased her endlessly.  I thought perhaps she had some physical characteristics she didn’t want to tell me about.  That happened to a friend.  When he finally met the girl of his dreams, he discovered she had one arm and never told him.  She was afraid.  She didn’t want to lose him.

I was quite happy with what Kat looked like when I finally saw her pictures, but it was a mental adjustment for me regardless.  The image I formed in my head, after talking to her daily for 5 months, was different from the reality.  It wasn’t anything bad.  It was just different.  Kat was, and still is beautiful to me. I just had to get used to what she really looked like. and not what I imagined from her description.  I taped her photos to my computer monitor for months after she sent them, so I could visual her real self and not the image I created in my mind.

Do you think you could fall in love with someone before you saw what they looked like?

Yes.  There are so many factors that go into being attracted to someone that have nothing to do with physical beauty - humor, intelligence, honesty, heart, kindness, the sound of their voice.

But I also believe that there are so many things about our physical characteristics that matter .. .. .. not just beauty, but scent, energy, and other things that are very real but nearly impossible to put into words .. .. .. things that you just don’t know until you actually meet someone in person.

I think that it can be dangerous and potentially painful to fall in love with someone you have never met in person (I know this from experience, personal and that of friends).  You can be so sure, so confident that you know this other person and you can have so much invested .. .. .. time, energy, thoughts, money .. .. .. in them and your future together only to find out that they aren’t who you thought, that you aren’t compatible, that it was all a fantasy.  

It can also be wonderful and beautiful and everything you ever hoped for.  It can be exactly what you thought it was going to be and more.  

I hate feeling un-needed 

I hate feeling unwanted

I hate feeling undesired

I’m sick of day after day after day after day of the same crappy story

I know that he loves me, but it’s just .. .. .. not enough?

And sometimes the fact that I know how much he loves me makes it even worse

You can only be told so many times that “I really do want to, I just can’t” before it sounds like total bullshit

I want to believe that it’s true

I want to believe, in my bones, in my soul, in my heart (and in my lady parts) that “soon” it will be “normal”

But after four long years, I just don’t know anymore

How long am I supposed to go along with the story?  

How long am I supposed to believe I’m not just a convenient place to stay?

I just want, so badly, to believe that he yearns to touch me, to kiss me, to lay next to me

Is that so much to ask?  

I don’t need money, or expensive things, or travel, or a fancy car

I just want him to want me

That’s all

I am so tired of switching off all sensation, all fantasy, all desire because it’s just too painful to dream about it, anticipate it, wish for it and know that it’s not going to happen

meyechael:

“Love” and “need” are so very different than “want” and “desire.”

I’ve always felt loved.  I’ve always felt needed.

What I crave, though, is being wanted and desired.

You can’t make someone need you.  You can’t tell someone you love that you desperately need them to lust for you and crave you.  

It has to come naturally, and if they don’t lust and crave you, there’s nothing you can do about it.  Begging, pleading, and explaining won’t make it happen.  They either feel it or they don’t.

No matter how many times you hear “I love you” or “I need you” from your partner will change how it feels to be unwanted.

It’s like saying:  ”I need water, I’m dying of thirst” and they reply:  ”Here, take my coat.”  It doesn’t work.

I want desperately for someone to want me; lust after me; desire me; crave me.

I don’t have that now.

It’s painful.

Wow .. .. .. just wow

This is exactly how I feel, and have felt for more than four years

Painful doesn’t even begin to describe it